Watch out! Election '07 hoo-ha on it's way

Pretty soon there's going to be an election in Australia to vote in the next Prime Minister.

Here's the thing...
I DON'T CARE!!

Well, actually, that's not entirely true.
I do care that there's an election. Unlike other countries I don't get the option to 'opt out' of the democratic process. So even if the candidates seem like copies of each other (they do), with no obvious differences in policies (there aren't), and just sledging matches on 'who is worse' not who is better (there will be), I cannot NOT vote. If I don't vote I will get slugged with a fine which I believe is $1000 and actually may be more than that. So my incentive to vote is a negative one. Vote or pay a lot of money.
Honestly, a good 50% of the time I 'donkey vote'. Neither of the guys representing the two parties who can get into power are worth my vote. And even if I get someone who IS worth my vote into the senate their party's preference is going to give one of those two wankers the top the job regardless. Why should I be forced to choose people I consider sub-standard through my choice of someone worthwhile? Like I said, best to just stuff up the vote. No fine and no choice required.
Best out ever...
"I didn't vote that clown in!" "So you voted for the other guy?" "Nope."

And that's the end of the story.
The beginning is that myself and my fellow Australians are bombarded from now until election day with serious and misguided promotions.
Like ads on TV which are sledging, mostly. "The current incumbent is a smelly, pompous idiot. Why would you vote for a smelly, pompous idiot? Vote the other guy." "The other guy is a pompous, smelly idiot. He did blah, blah, blah. Vote the current incumbent. He smells less and is only pompous to people you don't like."
Or print media. Full page ads with the ugly mug of one of the two twits. Honestly guys, over-slick obviously touched-up photographs are as appealing as nasal or ear hair (and these guys have all of the above in spades!) It isn't an ugly contest fellows - what you DO is somewhat more important!
And then there is the letters and fliers in the mail. I'm getting my share of those already. PLEASE! STOP!
The Greens sent me a glossy flier which doesn't look or feel like it was made using recycled paper nor eco-friendly inks. Of course, like most Sydneysiders, I binned it. Straight to the landfill with hundreds of thousands of others, probably. Go Greens!
Our current incumbent has sent me the same letter FOUR TIMES! Again, so much for his stance on saving the environment, off to the landfill with those too.
I'm hoping the Christians decide to do a door knock run like they did in the last election. Here's a tip: Scissor handles make a wonderful substitute for knuckle dusters.

In a way, I'm kind of envious of friends of mine from California. Last election they had a telemarketing-type phone call from THE GOVERNATOR himself. "Ja, Vote for me. I vill be der voice of der common man, jo-kay? Vote me baaack."

What can I offer the politicos to show that all is not lost with the little bear?
Well. Let's see.
Don't bag out you opponent. Particularly during prime-time TV. It makes you and your party look bad.
And desperate.
Very.
Save a tree! Don't send snail mail. Particularly not the same thing over and over. It makes you look wasteful and shows you for a liar with all environmental stuff.
Don't send out spruikers. When I'm shopping and someone comes up and hassles me about "voting so-and-so" I have this intense unlike-me urge to whack them repeatedly around the head with full shopping bags. Which means I'd have to 'borrow' some other shopper's bags to start with and it goes downhill from there.
Have a well made website. Most of my younger friends get their information about important things like elections from the internet.
If you don't have a web presence GET ONE. If you do have one MAKE IT WORK WELL.
These are not hard things to do. And with the money saved on not buying expensive TV airtime or sending mail outs you can afford to make pretty schmick sites these days. Honest!
Oh, and don't get all overexcited about the technology.
UTube and MySpace really AREN'T where you need to be seen.
Trust me on this.
Truly.

If you MUST have ads on TV, why not try the same approach as the multinationals or our current community service announcements?
I mean the whole 'ultra gross-out, repulsive or violent' thing must be working for anti-smoking and anti-drug or they wouldn't keep showing them, right?
Why not try the same sort of thing with the pollies?
Or even make the ads funny!
Heaven forfend you make the voters laugh to get their attention?
Politics may be serious business but surely it doesn't need to be both boring and serious? Don't politicians laugh sometimes? Even if the rest of us don't get the joke? (perhaps because the rest of us don't get the joke...)

For any Aussies who may stumble across this the only advice I can give is;
Set up your TV recording equipment and turn off your TV now. Sanity will resume in two months.

Good luck and so on.